


Speak Not in Anger

by Akiko_Natsuko



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Apologies, Brothers, Character Death, Childhood Memories, Death, Emotional Hurt, Forgiveness, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Loss, Memories, Nightmares, Protectiveness, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 07:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16237286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: It was a bad day...stained by memories of a past that couldn't be forgotten, and it was about to get worse as Genji learned just how far his brother was willing to go to earn the forgiveness he had already given him.





	Speak Not in Anger

    Hanzo had known it was going to be a bad day from the moment he woke that morning, starting awake hours before he needed to be awake, sweat dripping down his forehead and his brother’s name on his tongue. It was a familiar occurrence, even now months after joining Overwatch, and after months of having Genji by his side. Months of hearing the words of forgiveness that in his opinion had been given far too easily -the nightmares wouldn’t leave him alone. _Because I can’t be allowed to forget,_ he told himself sternly as he wiped a trembling hand across his forehead, grimacing as he glanced at the clock and saw that it was a couple of hours before the alarm was set, and four before the mission briefing. He knew that there would be no more sleep for him this evening. _I won’t forget,_ he added as he swung himself out of bed, snatching his bow and quiver from where they were always kept within arm’s reach and heading for the door. If sleep would elude him, then he could practice.

    Unsurprisingly the target range was empty at this time of night, although he could see that McCree had been there at some point as there was a pile of targets laid to the side with their heads decimated. _He has skill,_ the archer thought, not that he would ever tell the obnoxious man that, especially after enduring the Cowboy’s teasing about his use of ‘archaic weapons’ and the man’s attempts to drag him into a competition every time he encountered him here. Clicking his tongue in annoyance, even though he welcomed the distraction of those thoughts as he began to set up his own targets, his bow a comforting weight against his shoulder.

   It didn’t take long for him to get set up, and he easily fell into the rhythm of notch, fire, notch, fire. It was something that he had always found soothing, long before he had hung up his sword for good. If he’d been able to get away with it he would probably have focused on bow practice all the time, but a bow hadn’t been deemed an ‘appropriate’ main weapon for the Shimada heir. His jaw clenched at that, memories that were better kept behind their usual barrier now rising to the surface after that nightmare, and his fingers tightened around the bow throwing off his next shot and he cursed as the arrow wound up stuck in the far wall, only a small groove showing that it had caught the target at all. _Focus_ , he told himself sternly as he went to retrieve the arrow, he couldn’t afford to mess up like that when they were out on a mission - his arrows had to meet their mark.

“Brother!” The soft shout startled him, and he paused fingers around the arrow as he turned his head towards the entrance, swallowing back a sigh as he realised Genji had managed to sneak up on him again.

“Genji?” He asked, straightening and glancing briefly at the clock, frowning as he realized that he’d only been here for an hour, so his brother shouldn’t even be up and about yet. “Has something happened?”

“I don’t know,” was the rather unhelpful reply, the ninja leaning back against the wall and folding his arms as he stared at Hanzo and the archer had to force himself not to shift under than gaze. He couldn’t even see his brother’s eyes, and yet it always felt as though the younger man was able to look right through him, a feeling that only intensified with the question that followed. “Has it?”

“I couldn’t sleep…”

“Nightmares?” He hated that knowing tone. It was the same one his brother had always used on the very rare occasions that Hanzo had acted out against the clan’s orders, the only one in his family who had always been able to see beyond his mask as the perfect son and heir and he felt his hackles rise for a moment before he took a deep breath. He knew that Genji was trying to get a rise out of him, to get him to say something he didn’t want to, and he refused to fall for it. The nightmares, and the past that he still had to atone for was his burden to bear, not his brother’s and he carefully willed his expression back into a calm mask.

“It is of no concern.”

“Brother…” Genji protested, sounding more resigned than anything and Hanzo fought to swallow the guilt that flared. _This is not your burden Genji._ Apparently, he hadn’t hidden his thoughts as well as he had hoped, because the ninja straightened with a soft sigh. “You’re always the same…” Hanzo caught the whisper but didn’t comment, instead turning his attention back to pulling the arrow out of the wall, checking the head for damage before returning it to his quiver.  “Since I doubt you’re going to go back to sleep now, would you care to practice with me?” The sound of metal being drawn made Hanzo freeze for a minute, his breathing speeding up as he slowly tilted his head to look at his brother once more, a lump forming in his throat as he took in the katana his brother had drawn…

_Silver flashed through the air in a blur of movement, just as it had for the past few minutes, only this time it wasn’t blocked, and Hanzo’s eyes widened as his blade stuck home. There was blood on his front , on his hands - on his sword, but he couldn’t pay it any mind. All he could see was Genji’s eyes, the moment his brother had realised that he wasn’t going to pull out of the attack, the moment the pain registered and an anguished cry escaped as he watched the younger man crumpling, and Hanzo’s sword hit the floor as it fell from suddenly nerveless hands._

_What have I done?_

“Brother?! HANZO!” He was forcefully pulled back into the present by Genji’s alarmed voice, and he blinked as he found the Ninja right in front of him, metallic hands gripping his shoulders in an attempt to get his attention.

“Genji…” Hanzo blinked, his gaze shifting to the katana that was now lying innocently on the ground, abandoned in his brother’s attempt to get to him and he squeezed his eyes shut as blood flickered in and out of his vision. “I-I can’t…” There was no way he could maintain his composure now, the nightmare and that memory blurring, overwhelming even with Genji right in front of him and he tore himself violently out of his brother’s grip. “I’m sorry.” _How many times have I said that now? And why does it never mean anything?_ He avoided the hand that reached for him, shooting a fleeting look at his brother before fleeing from the room as though the Dragons themselves were chasing him. _I’m sorry…_

“Idiot…” Genji whispered as he stared at the closing door, his hands clenching at his sides. “How many times do I have to tell you that I forgave you long ago?”

_How can I make you see that is all in the past?_

**

     Hanzo slammed the door to his quarters shut behind him, for once uncaring about the others in the rooms around him, his bow and quiver falling to the floor beside him as he buried his face in his hands. _I will never escape what I did._  He knew that he didn’t deserve to escape it, but it didn’t make it any easier to bear, and he sighed as he lowered his hands, realizing just how badly they were trembling before curling them into fists to try and hide it. They were leaving on a mission in a few hours, he couldn’t afford to be this rattled or distracted, and taking a shuddering breath, he stumbled to his feet once more. Steadying himself he turned and headed for the shower, hoping that he could wash away some of the taint on his soul and get his thoughts back in order before he had to face Genji and the others, but aware that was probably wishful thinking at this stage and his shoulders hunched.

_This is going to be a bad day._

****

It was a bad day.

     The rest of the morning had been strained, apparently at some point he had lost his ability to mask his emotions as well as he had when he had been the heir to the clan. That and the fact that Genji had practically been shadowing his every movement during breakfast and the following briefing, had meant that he was subjected to a tiresome battery of concerned questions and glances. He understood that they meant well in their own way, but it had made him incredibly uncomfortable, and he had been relieved when they had set off on the mission. At least then they’d all had something else to focus on beside him, apart from his brother who seemed to be determined to babysit him, not that he could blame him after his brief meltdown on the target range and he just hoped the Ninja would remember that they still had a job to do.

    That turned out that had been the least of his concern, as their intel had been way off, either that or Talon had managed to get wind of their movements whilst they were in the air because they had landed amid chaos.

   The last he had seen of Genji was his brother bounding away with his sword already drawn, and for a moment, he had allowed himself to admire the graceful movements and appreciate the fact that his brother was alive to make them. Then he had been moving too, feeling McCree at his back and providing cover as he hurried towards the nearest building, ducking bullets before he scrambled up the side of the wall and out of the worst of the firefight. There was no time for relief, instead he dropped one knee, bow in his hands and his breathing easing out. It was easy to push everything else away during the battle, the memories and nightmares fading as he focused on the bow and arrow in his hands, eyes narrowed as he picked out a target and let loose. The arrow took the talon agent in the throat, and he toppled with a gurgled cry, but Hanzo’s attention had already shifted as he lay down a covering fire for McCree as he saw the Cowboy diving for cover, hastily grabbing a sonic arrow as he realised that there were more agents pouring in from one of the warehouses. _A quiet base, with a small number of guards._ He wanted to snort at that, but he couldn’t let his attention waver as he took down another agent and then another, falling easily into the pattern of notch, aim and fire.

     It didn’t take long to realise that they had reached a stalemate of sorts - the Talon forces had the numbers, but his team weren’t backing down and were holding their ground through a mixture of skill and sheer stubbornness. Occasionally he could catch a glimpse of his brother darting in and out of the buildings, and he had seen the verdant light that filled the air a few minutes ago that told him that Genji had been forced to use his Dragon and his own tattoo was itching, his own Dragons longing to join the fight, but he held them back. All it would take was one reckless move, and the battle could turn against them, and they might just need his Dragonstrike if things went wrong. For now, he forced the itch to the back of his mind he focused on thinning the ranks as best as he could, taking out any agent who was attempting to get a drop on one of theirs.

“Hanzo!” When he had first joined Overwatch, he had always been startled when people would address him so informally, calling out to him with the belief that he would help, but now he didn’t falter in the slightest, another arrow already in place as he sought out the caller. His eyes narrowing as he caught the group of Talon agents who were closing in on Angela who was knelt over a downed McCree clearly torn between trying to patch up her patient and fighting and he took a deep breath.

“Ryū ga waga teki o kurau!” As always it was a dizzying sensation as the tattoo on his arm lit up as he released the arrow, electricity dancing across his skin as the Dragons roared free, rejoicing in their freedom as they blasted a path through the agents surrounding his teammates. He was breathing heavily when they faded a couple of minutes later leaving destruction in their wake, but it didn’t matter because he could see Angela smiling up at him briefly before she shifted her attention back to McCree who had also managed to lift his fingers in a weak salute.

“Thanks, partner…”

     Hanzo wasn’t given a chance to respond, using his Dragonstrike had well and truly given away his position, and he was forced to roll away as gunfire tore through the spot he had occupied mere seconds before. He didn’t let the narrow miss rattle him, instead springing onto the next roof and taking off at a run, constantly firing at he went and wincing as he felt the sting of a bullet grazing his elbow. However, that pain was forgotten a moment later when he heard a familiar voice crying out in pain, and he whirled around, eyes widening as he spotted his brother being flung backwards through the wall of one of the warehouses.

“Genji…” His brother’s name was a whisper as he willed Genji to spring back to his feet, but the blow had clearly stunned his brother, and he hastily fumbled for another arrow, only to freeze when his searching fingers came up empty. He had been so caught up in the fight that he had lost count of his arrows, and he was too far from their supplies, and for the first time in years’ pure terror pooled in his stomach as he realised they were out of time, the agents closing in on Genji. “No…” The nightmare and memories were surging to the front once more, and he found himself moving without thought, praying that he would manage to get there in time.

_Please. Please don’t take him away again…_

**

     Genji shook his head, frantically trying to clear the haze that had settled over him after he’d been flung through the wall, wincing as the movement sent lightning bolts of pain through his body. A bitter smile twisting at his lips as he recalled how in the early days he had thought that it would be impossible for this body to feel pain - how wrong he had been. However, he dragged his dazed thoughts away from that topic, lifting his head as he heard movement and swallowing as he realised that he was surrounded, a quick scan of the floor around him telling him that his sword was nowhere to be seen, and it was too soon for him to summon the Dragon again. _I’m in trouble._ He hadn’t seen the others for a little while, too focused on picking off agents around the edges and from the static noise in his ear the communicator had been broken by that attack as well. And he swallowed hard as it dawned on him that there was no help coming this time, and as he saw the guns being aimed at him, he closed his eyes and braced himself for the pain. _I’m sorry Hanzo, this wasn’t your fault…_

    He heard the roar of their weapons, but the pain he was expecting to follow that sound never came, and his eyes flew open as he heard a terrifyingly familiar cry of pain.

    Hanzo was stood between him and the agents, his position showing that he had only just managed to leap in the way in time, and Genji’s breath caught in his throat as his brother slowly tilted his head to look at him. And he was blown away by the sheer relief in Hanzo’s eyes, but then his brother was falling, crumping to the ground in a broken heap and making no effort to catch himself as his bow rolled free of his hand.

“Hanzo?!” Genji finally moved, panic letting him shake of his stunned state, frantically throwing shuriken as he moved to throw himself protectively over his brother. “Hanzo!” He was torn between a need to check on the older man, and a need to fend of the agents and he could have wept with relief when there was a deafening roar, and Reinhart appeared barreling into the enemy with McCree close on his heels. Trusting them to deal with the Talon agents he shifted his attention to his brother, hands gentle as he rolled him onto his back, his expression darkening as he took in the blood staining the front of Hanzo’s clothing and the thin trail on his chin. He didn’t need to be a doctor to know that this was bad, and not for the first time he cursed his brother’s lack of armor. “Hanzo!” He called urgently, hesitantly shaking the older man and being rewarded with a low groan, followed by dark eyes slowly opening and peering hazily up at him.

“Genji…” It had been a long time since he had heard his brother say his name so softly, and he found himself blinking sudden tears out of his eyes. “I’m fine…” Hanzo added softly, which immediately had Genji on high alert because his brother never offered him such reassurances, and if that wasn’t enough cause for concern there was the uncertainty underlying those words, and the fact that he had been in this very situation before, a long time ago. _Hanzo…_ He swallowed past the lump that had risen in his throat, cautiously lifting the older man so that he was supporting his head as memories that he would rather have forgotten rising.

_He hadn’t been allowed in to see his brother for nearly two weeks, all he had to go on was the quiet whispers when no one thought he was close enough to hear and the constant coming and going from Hanzo’s room. His fear growing with each new doctor that was brought in, and the occasional cry he could hear when the door opened to admit someone. Eventually it became too much to bear, not even his parents listening to his pleas and so he had waited till late at night, waiting until everyone thought that he was asleep and the compound was quiet before sneaking into to visit his brother, startled to find their mother fast asleep in the chair beside his brother’s bed, It had been a long time since she had spent so much time with either of them, and the fear churning in his stomach intensified._

_“Genji…” It took all his training to stop him from yelping at the quiet whisper, turning to look at the bed and stilling when he found that Hanzo was awake and peering at him. He had never heard the older boy sound so weak or so defeated, and that combined with his unusually pale face and the dark shadows beneath his eyes scared him even more._

_“Brother?” He asked softly, glancing nervously at their mother as she shifted in the seat, cautiously inching closer when she settled once more and reaching out to grasp his brother’s hand. Swallowing hard when Hanzo’s fingers curled weakly around his rather than pushing him away like he had expected, and he couldn’t quite keep the tremor out of his voice as he asked. “You’re going to get better aren’t you?”_

_“Of course,” Hanzo sounded more like himself this time, a hint of the proud Shimada heir that Genji hated showing through. However, he didn’t have time to be irritated or relived by the hint of normality, because the effect was ruined by the way Hanzo’s eyes darted down the bed, darkening as his gaze landed on where the covers were bunched around the stumps of his legs._

_“You’re lying…”_

“You’re lying,” Genji whispered, something unpleasant shifting in his chest at the realization that this was the same as back then. Especially when Hanzo’s gaze shifted away, his expression distant for a moment before a sad, almost smile tugged at his lips and he turned back to him, reaching up to curl his fingers around Genji’s wrist as he asked weakly.

“You’re not hurt?”

“No, but…”

“Good,” Hanzo cut across him, and this time the relief in his expression was painful to behold, and his arms tightened around his brother. _Why? Why are you looking at me like that?_ He was about to ask that aloud when Hanzo’s face contorted with pain, the fingers around his wrist tightening to the point where if it had just been skin beneath them he would have had dark bruises, and it was the soft whimper that followed that broke him and he hastily reached for his communicator before remembering that it was broken, a curse that he had learned from McCree slipping out.

“Hang on,” he muttered, hastily grabbing his brother’s communicator and letting out a huff of relief as he found the green light blinking, and he quickly lifted it up, trying to ignore the small voice at the back of his mind that was telling him that it was already too late. “ANGELA! We need you! Track Hanzo’s signal, he’s hurt, and it’s bad!” He barked down the communicator, his voice breaking slightly on the last bit, not wanting to think about just how badly. Flicking on the distress beacon and waiting until he heard the acknowledgement from the doctor before dropping it down beside them, not wanting to waste his words on others right now.

“Genji…” Hanzo whispered, his breathing more strained than it had been before, and this time there was fear in his eyes as he looked at Genji and a hint of acceptance.

 “Don’t look at me like that,” Genji snapped, the acceptance in the dark eyes scaring him and he took a deep breath before adding strongly. “You’re not dying here!” _You’re not dying at all,_ he added silently. His thoughts drifting to how Hanzo had been behaving that morning, aware that his brother was no closer to forgiving himself than he had been when he first joined Overwatch and there was no way he was going to let Hanzo die before the idiot had managed to move on and forgive himself. Taking another deep breath, he forced himself to look at the wounds, his fingers trembling as he shifted material aside, his stomach churning as he took in the damage that had been caused. _This should have been me,_ he thought, praying that Angela would get there soon.

“G…”

“I SAID NO!” His voice rose, anger overwhelming his fear for a moment, and suddenly Hanzo’s calm acceptance was too much to bear, and he couldn’t stop the words that spilled through from his lips in an angry stream. “If you die here I will never forgive you! For anything! So, don’t you dare die on me you selfish idiot! Why? Did you think throwing yourself in the way would make up for what happened back then? That I could forgive you for this…?” Somewhere at the back of his mind, he knew that he was being cruel and unfair, but the words wouldn’t stop coming even when he tried to stop them. At least not until Hanzo let out a soft noise that sounded like it was halfway between a laugh and a sob, and suddenly he froze, eyes widening behind his mask as his brother looked up at him with pained eyes. “Hanzo…I…”

“It’s fine” Hanzo cut across him softly, and somehow that softness just made it even worse, and Genji flinched and tried to pull back, but his brother refused to let him go, lips quirking up even as his eyes drifted shut. “You’re safe…so it’s…”

“Hanzo?” Genji forgot all about trying to escape his brother’s grasp, all traces of his anger disappearing when there was no reaction from his brother, and he hesitantly reached out and shook the older man, his voice rising slightly. “Hanzo?!” There was still no response, and his fingers trembled as he moved to rest his hand against his brother’s chest, the unpleasant feeling in his chest turning painful as he realised that he could no longer feel Hanzo’s chest rising and falling and something in his own shattered. The words he had spat in anger now echoing in his ears as he reached up to brush trembling fingers over the still face, searching for a response of some kind. “Brother…” _No, this cannot be…_

“Genji! Hanzo!” He couldn’t bring himself to react as he heard Angela and some of the others rushing towards them, vaguely aware of the fact that the sounds of fighting had finally died out around them, but unable to find it in himself to care. _Hanzo._  He ignored the frantic questions, hugging his brother against his chest as he felt Angela trying to pull Hanzo away from it, and he shook his head before burying it against Hanzo’s as hot tears trickled down inside his mask as he finally forced himself to put the truth into words.

“He’s gone…”

_I’m sorry…please forgive me…I didn’t mean it, any of it…I forgave you long ago…_

 


End file.
